A Guide to Music Festivals

Expensive, draining and filthy are three of the most common words associated with most music festivals. You're in a field (granted some are much much bigger than others - Glastonbury is 3/4 the size of my hometown!) camping with a number of other people who haven't washed, eaten or slept properly for days. So why do people go?

Filthy, Fantastic and utterly fitting for a festival

Firstly, the expense is totally worth it when you consider how many bands you have the ability to see. At bigger festivals, you pay more but you will never be short of things to see. Sadly, with that, comes clashes. If you're going with a group of friends, it's unlikely you'll all want to see the same band every time. Don't be scared to go and watch something by yourself if your friends don't want to. You may not get another opportunity to see what you want to again. 

Secondly, festivals are draining but you're there to have a good time as are the other thousands of festival-goers which gives a festival a vibe no party can ever hope to have. Be prepared to be tired for a lot of the time as you will hardly get any sleep (if you're doing a festival properly) because the best places to go in the festival come out post-midnight usually in a far-flung corner of the festival. Trust me, it's totally worth it. For Glastonbury, follow the thousands of people on the trek to Shangri-La after the headliners (Block 9, The Common and Shangri-La are the bets place for you ravers out there). Similarly, if your night is drawing to a close and the sun is coming up, bigger festivals will have somewhere you can go and welcome the day. The Stone Circle is the best place in Glastonbury for this. Here, you can recharge and continue your night or calm down getting ready for 2 hours of sleep. Once you have had your nap, don't skimp on any source of caffeine to get you through otherwise you really will struggle.

You don't have to do this but he looks like he's enjoying himself ;)

Thirdly, yes, you are going to be a filthy mess during the festival but the beauty is that you certainly won't be alone. Mud becomes an essential festival accessory but most people do tend to keep it all over their wellies. You can bring an amount of wet wipes to rival Mothercare's stock but you will still feel festival filthy. It's a fact. If you aren't comfortable with it, may I suggest not going to a festival. Nobody likes to be reminded how dirty they are. You just have to get over it. If you are having a problem with the filth, one thing you can do is bring plenty of clothes to change into. There's nothing worse than smelly, dirty clothes to give you away and make you feel even worse. 

Lastly, the motto "Go hard or go home" is one that should be stitched onto all wristbands as it is one you will live by for the festival. Go to a festival to see bands, dance and enjoy yourself. If you go with that mindset, you won't be disappointed. 

The Guide to the Great British Summer

In light of the recent weather and my subsequent sunburn, I feel secure in saying that us Brits need a bit of help when it comes to the sun and summer. The Great British Summer doesn't grant us very many nice days but when it does, we feel obliged to go and enjoy it with every appropriate skin cell. Unfortunately, this mean lots of pasty nudity on every street, beer garden and park in Britain. So here's a few tips to actually enjoy the few days of summer we get a year without resulting in pink, peeling skin. 

Firstly, the obvious: wear sun cream. I realise I may sound hypocritical as I am currently sporting a heavenly pink glow on both arms but I was in the north (Sheffield) and the sun was unprecedented - we're students so I wasn't going to buy some. Sun cream does actually work even if it is sticky and annoying however the SPF is important. For example, I have very fair skin (something I seem to forget in the first few sunny days) and need SPF 40 minimum. I do know people, however, that don't seem to worry about skin cancer and use an SPF 2 or a tanning milk (SPF0-1) - up to you but I wouldn't dream of it. In this country, obviously you can get away with a smaller SPF but always wear a higher SPF on your face if you want to have nicer skin than your contemporaries at the age of 40. Please do go and enjoy the sun (we don't get it very often) just think about being red and sore before you opt for the SPF10.

Secondly, I know it's sunny and hot but please wear clothes. A pet peeve of mine that I think is shared by many, is when people (lads, especially) decide everyone in the town wants to see them topless. When women do this, we're criticised for dressing provocatively - bikinis are for the beach, not for Budgens. You're going to get burnt and look very stupid. Up to you.

Thirdly, try to avoid barbecues organised by incompetent people - your food won't be cooked properly and food poisoning is likely. This may sound patronising but the kinds of barbecues you can buy in Poundland that people always take to the beach won't cook your sausages as quick as the awesome BBQ your family has at home, trust me.  

Lastly, don't get too depressed when the sun, inevitably, goes away for another year. This happens every year, you should be prepared. You're less likely to have damaged skin and you don't have to feel uncomfortable in your clothes because it's too hot to breathe. We don't live in the med so don't be surprised when the sun gets bored of red raw Brits.

A Guide to being a Tourist

One of the most eagerly anticipated events of a Briton's annual calendar is here: the summer holiday. You've got your sunglasses, your beach towels and your SPF20 that you'll soon have to disregard (sensibly) for SPF50+ after the first hour in the sun. You are probably going somewhere hot in the Med like Spain (a favourite destination for us Brits). The problem with this is that the colour of our skin is so noticeably abhorrent compared to the locals that we stick out like pale thumbs. This teamed with the bumbag your parents insist on wearing, the sunhats they insist you wear and the worryingly loud English shouted by your parents at scared locals makes it quite obvious you are a tourist. This guide aims to help you fit in wherever you're going this summer.

If you don't see what is wrong with this, then I cannot help you.

Firstly, your clothing will give you away way before you manage to offend them by adding '-o' to every word you don't know in a heinously embarrassing Spanglish accent (e.g. Hola, where-o... a.. restaurant-o...?). Try to avoid the bumbag look. Not only because it looks awful on everyone but also because you're just showing pickpockets where all your stuff is - clever. Try, also, to avoid wearing your swimming costume and sarong anywhere that isn't the beach or a swimming pool - it doesn't look good or fit in with locals and they're going be even more offended. However, if you insist on doing either of these things then please please PLEASE make sure you do not wear pulled up ankle socks with trainers or, even worse, sandals. It may be comfier than your slippers in winter but any sane person in the world (local or not) are going to laugh you out of their town. For good reason. 

Q.E.D.

Your clothing, whatever it is, will look ten times worse if you are sporting a lobster red sunburn underneath. Worse because it's red raw skin and worse because you so obviously look like someone from Britain who never gets any sun. I don't care if "it'll go brown tomorrow", it still looks horrendous and gives you a much higher risk of skin damage - your choice.  I understand you want to have a healthy glow but a TOWIE tan is too far (I hope you're listening, Essex).

Lastly, the language barrier is not removed in any way by shouting loudly in a weirdly accented English at locals who don't remotely know what you're talking about. You need to at least try to speak their language. Get a phrase book (and not a joke one!) and invest some time going through it before you get there. I don't mean on the plane, either! If you're a family, one of your children might be learning a foreign language at school so they might be able to help. However, if you want some help from them, you are going to have to try not to embarrass your children by calling them "the fruit of your loins" loudly in public. We hate that. So stop.

If you're going abroad this summer (lucky) then just try to remember that you're basically an ambassador for our country and I do not want to be known as an overweight, pale, balding, embarrassing nation. So just try not to be a 'tourist'.

Guide to Boho Chic

I usually have a problem with any kind of style where the title ends in 'chic' disregarding it as pretentious and unnecessary. Strangely, this does not apply to 'Boho Chic' mainly because 'boho' on it's own sounds a lot like 'hobo' which conjures up images of dirty men in beanies and raincoats. The 'chic' reminds us that 'boho' is actually a very cool fashion style and lifestyle. You think 'bohemian' and you think of John Lennon, hippies and 'tortured artistes' with sunken cheeks and visible bones living in Soho on nothing but expensive gin and cigarettes for sustenance. Thankfully, to achieve a boho chic look, you don't have to do any of the above.

More extreme high-fashion version of the boho chic headband idea. Gorgeous.

To start with, you really should have long, straggly hair that can be contained under a hat (fedora-style) or headband (see above). If you need more inspo, look up Ms Yoko Ono back in her days spreading love and peace around with Lennon. You can also do a loose, messy plait anywhere on your head and it will be bang on boho trend. To be honest, a loose, messy hairstyle, whatever it is, will work incredibly well with this look. For extra boho chic points, add feathers hanging from your hair.

Other accessories include round sunglasses (again look for Lennon and Yoko), any clothing with a fringe detail and earthy coloured clothing (look for greens, blues and browns in particular). A handful of rings attached to each finger will also be bang on. For extra boho chic appeal, make sure they're from market stalls or at least look like they are - vintage is always a winner with this look. 

Shoe-wise it's always best to go for sandals (gladiators to put emphasis on the 'chic' or flip flops for 'boho'). It goes without saying that your nails should be painted or at least thought about before they go on show. for nail paint, you can go with bright colours if you want but neutrals or pastels are always best. 

When it comes to deciding what is most 'boho chic' in the wardrobe department, nothing screams boho chic like a full-length skirt. A full length skirt is summery, elegant and the loose fabric will make you feel more bohemian as you aren't constrained like you are with skinny jeans (without wanting to sound too Germaine Greer about it). Anything tie-dyed is also a fantastic way to nail boho chic. It leans slightly more towards the hippie end of the spectrum but still works. If you're struggling, just Google 'festival boho look' or (I hate to say it) 'Nicole Richie boho' (or Sienna Miller for a healthier option) and you'll see just how relaxed this style can be. The rule here is usually, anything goes.

From catwalk to camden, boho chic is an accessible, easy look that is cheaply achieved (Head to vintage or charity shops)

A boho chic look works any time of the year but mainly in summer and especially at festivals (I shall be alternating between boho chic [day] and hipster [night] at Glasto). If your hand isn't constantly shaped into a 'peace' sign, you're not doing it right.